happy go lucky wedding

Being Proactive About Marriage
October 19, 2009, 6:58 pm
Filed under: uncategorized

Pre-marital counseling.  Hmm…should we?  The state of Texas thinks we should.  Maybe all states do.  They offer discounts on marriage licenses for couples who have taken part in certified pre-marital counseling classes.  I’m talking major discounts too, where the license is nearly free.  But I don’t want to take a class just to get a discount; I want to be sure that the class we take is the right fit for us, and one that we will benefit from. 

As we continue to contemplate whether or not we should go down the road of pre-marital counseling, we recently started reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  Now we find ourselves saying, “You’re stonewalling” or whatever term fits the type of behavior one of us in engaged in during a fight.  I think this book has been helpful for us, even though it is primarily for couples that have already dealt with marital problems.  We still feel like we are learning from it. 

The reason all of this is so important to me is because unfortunately, I have not had the best example of marriage in my life.  I love both of my parents dearly, and in so many ways they were great together, but in so many other ways they were terrible together.  I can say this now as an adult, though of course I was devestated as a child when they divorced.   I think my mom is an amazing, strong woman, but she got cheated and missed out on having a partner in her life.  I don’t want that for me, and I know she doesn’t either. 

I was recently talking about this very thing with some friends, and a lady I didn’t know well, who had been married for several years. She laughed at me for saying that I have a real partner in my relationship.  She said it was because we were “new” and that it would change a few years down the line.  Before I made some snarky comment, I really thought about what she said (I’d had a few glasses of wine, so this was not an easy task).  I wondered if she was jaded or if I was naive, but ultimately I disagreed with her.  Mr. Fro Yo is not only my partner now, he will always be my partner in life because that is something we value and work towards.  We make it a point to be each other’s equals and to help each other in everything we do.  Not just as a support for when we are feeling sad or struggling with a difficult task, but in everything we do–including the mundane things like emptying the dishwasher, going to the grocery store or making dinner. 

Anyway, the point is that I want what my parents didn’t have, more than anything.  I feel like we are well on our way to a happy marriage, but because I’m the product of divorced parents, I want to do any and everything I can to be certain that we won’t end up that way.  Does that mean pre-marital counseling?  Maybe.  But I also think it means remembering the things we value for our relationship, especially during the difficult times.

Anyone else with divorced parents?  Are you doing pre-marital counseling or reading books before marriage?


1 Comment so far
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OK, I have been a terrible blog friend. I am just now catching up on old blogs and as usual, I am impressed. I am all about the pre-marital counseling…or just counseling in general 🙂 You know my parent’s divorce story (nasty one) and Chris and I are always working on our relationship…it always needs lots of work 🙂

I hope you guys are doing well!!

Comment by Skye M

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